God’s Will for Our Relationships
a sermon based on Mark 10:2-16
by Rev. Rick Thompson

Relationships. Relationships with others are so terribly important to us. We want them, need them, and strive for healthy ones. In fact, God created us to be in relationships!

Yes, relationships are terribly important; but, sometimes, they are just plain terrible. Who here hasn’t known the sadness and heartache of a relationship going sour or coming to a bitter end?

We invest a lot of time, trouble, and worry in our relationships; we really want them to be good and healthy, but sometimes we struggle so to make that happen. Pick up a copy of Redbook or Cosmopolitan, or turn on Oprah or Dr. Phil—or even, these days, one of the morning so-called “news” shows—and we’re sure to get all kinds of tips for creating better relationships. A bestseller some years ago expressed both the hope and the challenge that we experience in relationships: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. We’ve heard it, and perhaps even said it: “Men—or women—you can’t live with ‘em, and you can’t live without ‘em.”

Adults and youth, men and women, friend and neighbors, co-workers and classmates, brother and sisters in Christ—all of us desire deep and meaningful relationships with each other, and all experience more than enough frustration in the quest!

“It’s a good thing love is painful,” comedienne Rita Runder observes, “otherwise all the songs on the radio and MTV would be about root canals.”

Often, the cultural perception about relationships is pretty negative, isn’t it. The jokes we tell are barely able to hid the very real pain that is part of so many relationships.

People found relationships challenging in the time of Jesus, too. That’s why the Pharisees, waiting to test and trap Jesus, asked him a pointed question about divorce.

There were two schools of thought in the Jewish world of that time: one leading rabbi taught that divorce was only permissible in the case of infedility; another allowed just about any reason for divorce, including poor cooking. And Jewish religious law allowed only a man to divorce; a woman did not have that right. So the Pharisees challenged Jesus to offer a clear teaching on this very sensitive and delicate matter.

Jesus noted the ancient, biblical teaching of Moses that a man was permitted to divorce his wife. But Jesus went deeper into the subject. “Moses was just allowing for your hardness of heart,” Jesus said. “But, really, when we read Genesis, we know what God’s intention is: that a couple who marry stay together for a lifetime.” “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

When Jesus was asked about divorce, he focused, instead, on God’s will for those who are married. Jesus reminded his listeners that God intends marriage to be a life-long, lasting relationship between a man and a woman.

But we know that not everyone is married. And not everyone will marry. So is there anything in today’s scripture helpful for all of us—whether we are married or single, widowed or divorced, or will never marry?

In talking about marriage, Jesus speaks of the most permanent and intimate human relationship. But he also offers some tips for living in all of our relationships.

So what is Jesus teaching us today? What is it that makes marriage last? What is it that makes any relationship a rich and life-giving one? If relationships are so important, why are they also so difficult? Let’s see what Jesus has to teach us today, shall we?

Notice how Jesus gets to the heart of the issue. The Pharisees want to focus on the external act of divorce, while Jesus changes the focus to the internal attitude of the marriage partners. The Pharisees are concerned about acceptable reasons for divorce, but Jesus is concerned for the sanctity of marriage. Jesus gets to the heart of the issue.

In fact, Jesus says the brokenness we experience in marriage and in other relationships is a matter of the heart, the will. Rather than offering excuses for those who break relationships, especially the marriage relationship, Jesus refuses to let us off the hook. He refers to divorce as a result of “hardness of heart”.

Now that’s a difficult word to hear. Jesus holds us responsible, accountable, for the quality and health of our relationships. Yes, there are those situations where the unacceptable and destructive behavior of one partner damages or breaks a relationship: substance, abusive behavior, infidelity, for example. But, says Jesus, the root cause of broken relationships is “hardness of heart”. It’s sin. It’s not the act of divorce or the breaking of the relationship itself that is sin, but the actions and words that result in a broken relationship. It’s our refusal to trust God, our refusal to surrender to God’s leading, our refusal to put the other’s needs above our own. So, when a relationship goes sour, we are challenged by Jesus to look in the mirror. Jesus expects us to examine ourselves, to seek to determine what attitudes and actions on our own part contributed to the breakdown.

We may not like to hear that. I don’t really like to say that. But Jesus tells the truth. I know it when I look honestly at myself. I know I can say hurtful and careless things, neglect those important to me, and turn a cold shoulder to other. That’s what Jesus calls “hardness of heart”. Another word for it is “sin”.

Yes, it’s sin that damages and breaks relationships. It’s sin that makes it so difficult to develop lasting and life-giving relationships with others. It’s sin that kills marriages and friendships; it’s sin that strains relationships in families; it’s sin that breaks the bond between co-workers and classmates; it’s sin that can tear apart the church. Sin is real. Sin causes heartache and pain. Sin robs life and love of its beauty and joy.

So is there any hope for us? Is there any reason to keep striving for fulfillment in our relationships?

Of course there is!

Let’s not forget who’s teaching us today! Let’s not forget it’s Jesus!

And he’s the one who shows us how to live and love.

Let’s remember what Jesus did. He wanted to demonstrate the welcoming mercy of God. He wanted to show us how open God is to all people, especially the broken and the weak. So he welcomed the children. Jesus made a place for those whom others wanted to write off. He put his arms around the little ones, the marginalized ones, the weak ones, the broken ones, the hurt ones. He put his arms around them, and blessed them, and called them his own. That’s what Jesus did!

And then, not long after, he died. Jesus died and rose from death to release the power of God’s love and forgiveness into every life, into every heart made hard by sin! Jesus died so that we could experience joy and satisfaction in our relationships with God and others.

That is what God wants for us—wants it so profoundly that Jesus went to his death. This is what God wants: life-long marriages that nurture both partners; families that offer security and love to all members; churches where prayerful support and mutual love and concern are the hallmarks of life together; communities that welcome and uphold the dignity of each person; schools and workplaces where each one is respected and valued. THIS is what God wants for us!

And what God wills, God gives the power to accomplish. When we are related by faith to God through Jesus Christ, we are related to the greatest and most life-giving power there is! That power is the love and forgiveness offered—freely!—by God in Christ. That power—the power of forgiveness—makes it possible for us to build quality, enriching, fulfilling relationships with others.

IF WE WANT TO HAVE RELATIONSHIPS MARKED BY TRUST, OPENNESS, UNDERSTANDING, AND JOY, WE NEED TO BE CONNECTED DAILY TO THE LOVE AND FORGIVENESS GOD OFFERS IN JESUS CHRIST! HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE MADE POSSIBLE BY THE POWER OF JESUS CHRIST!

The late newspaper columnist Lewis Grizzard wrote articles filled with offbeat, southern humor. But underneath the laughter, there was a sadness—a life of personal suffering and loss. Some of Grizzard’s pain came from his troubled relationship with his alcoholic father, who had abandoned the family when Lewis was a boy. Later in life, Lewis reconciled with his father.

As the old man lay in his final illness, Lewis repeatedly pleaded with him. “What’s wrong, Daddy? Why can’t you stay sober? What can be so bad that you can’t talk about it?”

His father refused to answer. Even when Lewis assured him that it didn’t matter what it was, that he loved him whatever was the awful truth, his father would only sob and weep and sputter, “I’ve made a bad mistake.”

Lewis never learned what his father so secretly and deeply regretted. “But,” he wrote, “it doesn’t matter. Whatever his sin, whatever his secret, I loved him and love him still.”

And that’s what Jesus does. He loves us with a love stronger than sin, a love that is there no matter what.

In fact, it’s the love of Jesus that makes our loving possible. In Christ, by the power of his love and forgiveness, we can live in the kind of relationship that God desires for us: relationships that are lasting, life-giving, and loving!

It’s the love of God that melts the hardness in our heart and produces great relationships.

Thanks be to God!

Amen.