The Best Gift for Children
Mark 10:2-16
Randy L Quinn
In June 1985, as a newly
ordained Deacon in the United Methodist Church, I found myself living in
a part of the world I’d never seen before, doing things I’d never done
before. That summer, for instance, I found myself consecrating the
elements for my “first communion.” That summer I also conducted my
first funeral. And then I “did” my first wedding.
Larry Green and Mary Price
were married at the Benedict Church, a small building that couldn’t
possibly hold more than 50 people – well, maybe 100 if you opened the
doors to the fellowship hall and put out enough chairs, but there
weren’t that many chairs in the building!
Every person who attended
the wedding was a family member. Some were her family, including
children from previous marriages. Some were his family, including
children from previous marriages.
It was my first wedding;
it was his fifth and her fourth.
They knew more about
weddings than I did, and I found myself learning from them. But while I
had never been married at that time, I was convinced I knew more about
marriages than they did, and I like to think they learned from me.
After that first
experience, I started telling couples that “I don’t do weddings. I help
start marriages.” And with only one exception, I’ve been able to focus
on the marriage while preparing for the wedding. (The one exception was
when the pastor, who was also the uncle of the bride, got gravely ill
the day before. They asked me to fill in an hour before the wedding.)
I learned a lot about
preparing for marriage and weddings in that first year of being a
pastor; I learned even more about marriage after I met and married
Ronda. And I’m still learning. Some of what I’ve learned comes from my
own experience. Some comes from books I’ve read. Some comes from the
stories of other couples.
One of the things I’ve
learned about marriage that surprised me was that divorce never ends a
marriage. It only ends the legal status of the marriage. The emotional
ties and the memories of the marriage continue to live on and affect
both parties, even if they re-marry.
In that sense, Jesus is
right. When someone who is divorced re-marries, it is a form of
adultery (vv 11-12).
I naively entered into
marriage with Ronda thinking her former marriage was over. Then I began
to think the relationship with her former husband would be over after
their children were grown. Then I hoped it would end when Jason and
Tonya were married. Now I’ve resigned myself to the fact that it will
always be a part of her life – and mine.
Divorce is not only a part
of my life it’s a part of most families. In fact, I have only
officiated at two weddings – maybe three – where both the bride and
groom had not been married before and both sets of parents were still
married. That’s less than 5% of the marriages I helped start!
So when I read this text I
find myself asking the question that so many couples find themselves
asking, “Who sinned?” Except when I ask the question, I don’t limit the
sin to only one party in the marriage. I also include the pastor who
met with them and the congregation who witnessed the wedding. (That’s
because the marriage ceremony in our church asks those gathered, “Will
all of you who are gathered here, by God's grace do everything in your
power to uphold and care for these two persons in their marriage?”)
Who sinned? The answer,
of course, is we all have.
I don’t know how many of
you use The Upper Room as a devotional guide. Ronda and I read
it together every night. One day this week the text was the familiar
story of the woman “caught in adultery” who was brought to Jesus.
In that story, as you will
remember, Jesus asks who among her accusers is without sin. We don’t
know who was there and we don’t know their stories, but I have a few
questions I want to ask:
·
Was the man who was involved in the affair
present?
·
Was her husband?
·
Were there witnesses who did not try to
stop it?
·
Were there people who didn’t want to
become involved until it was too late to save the marriage?
·
Do they all leave because they recognize
their own contributions to the failed marriage?
Of course we don’t know
the answer to any of those questions. What we know for sure is that
Jesus turns to the accused woman and says those words that we all find
so comforting, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more” (Jn
8:11).
Go and sin no more
(said with a note of sarcasm).
That sounds like a parent
telling a child not to leave the door open again. It’s an impossible
assignment. Every child forgets to close doors – even some adults do!
And no one here will ever walk away and sin no more.
When Mark wrote his
Gospel, he had several stories to choose from, and I’m certain that some
were not included in his book. So two questions I use to help me
understand the stories that are included is to ask both, “Why is this
story told?” and “Why did Mark put it in this context?”
Immediately after talking
about divorce – though it may be more accurate to say Jesus spoke about
marriage since it was those around him who wanted to speak about divorce
– immediately after talking about divorce, why does Mark include a story
about children? What can we learn about both stories from their
context?
I’m convinced that the two
stories are connected in a rather simple way.
Most of us spend our
childhood trying to become adults. We want the independence and freedom
to do what we want to do without relying upon parents to tell us what to
do and where to go. And when we grow up, few of us remember that God
still wants to be our parent. We all want to “do our own thing.” We
all want to “leave the doors open” without being chastised.
That attitude is enough to
destroy any marriage. We cannot “do our own thing” and maintain a
healthy and intimate relationship with another person. The marriage of
two people creates a new entity, the couple; and the couple cannot exist
for very long if the individuals do not intentionally submit their will
to the well-being of the couple.
Many people think the
reason we have so many failed marriages in our society is the lack of
commitment in general. But it’s also a lack of intentionality.
Sometimes it’s more of one than the other, but both commitment and
intentionality need to be present if the marriage is to survive – a
willingness of both parties to commit to the marriage and to be
intentional about giving the marriage priority over the individual.
I have often told couples
who come to me for marriage that the best thing they can do for their
children is to maintain a strong and healthy marriage. That can only
happen if they submit to one another. But this text is making me wonder
if the best gift we can give our children is to model what it means to
be good children – by paying attention to “our Father in heaven” and
honestly joining in the prayer, “thy will be done.”
None of us are perfect.
We are neither perfect spouses nor perfect parents. And when it comes
to acknowledging God as a parent, we all “want to do our own thing.”
And that can easily pass as a definition of sin.
We all sin.
And that sin leads to
separation from God, from one another, and often causes our own internal
struggles as well. It’s sin that leads to divorce. And it’s sin that
leads to poor parenting.
And the only answer to
both is forgiveness.
Fortunately, God forgives
our sin.
The most powerful reminder
we have of that forgiveness is communion. And today, as we celebrate
World Communion Sunday, I like to hold out the hope that in being
forgiven we will find ways to reach out our hands to Christians around
the globe today as we offer forgiveness to one another.
Thanks be to God.
Amen.
